Dating Dorkus

Recently my friend Eddie began dating Doris, the self-same Doris of yesterday's entry. Although I no longer harbor any feelings of malice toward her (despite the pain and trauma I suffered at her hands), I was a little surprised to hear that she and Eddie are now two halves of the same couple. I decided to get some milage out of that old Kids for Saving the Earth incident. Below I have reproduced two recent conversations I had with Eddie regarding their relationship:

etimus: i asked doris about her making you cry

etimus: she feels bad
Tomato JT: whatever!
etimus: she does
Tomato JT: i was a little, innocent ecologically minded japanese youth
etimus: she doesn't remember
Tomato JT: she's a racist, oppressive b*st*rd.
etimus: i'll tell her you think so.
etimus: linda remembers
Tomato JT: she does?!?!?!
Tomato JT: really?
Tomato JT: see, linda has a heart
Tomato JT: unlike that racist, oppressive doris
Tomato JT: or "hitler yang", as she was known in elementary school
Tomato JT: she threatened to send me to the goolag.
Tomato JT: i didnt even know what that was
Tomato JT: (or how to spell it)
etimus: i'm going to e-mail this to doris
Tomato JT: ok. she might get offended tho
etimus: only if you really mean it
Tomato JT: no, i'm mostly joking
etimus: mostly?
Tomato JT: ok, ok: half-joking.
Tomato JT: i was TRAUMATIZED
Tomato JT: i was a poor, innocent, environmentally conscious japanese boy
Tomato JT: imagine having no friends
Tomato JT: and then this MEAN, BOOK LOVING DORIS making fun of you
Tomato JT: and telling you she didnt want to associate with you
etimus: you're a silly boy
Tomato JT: what?!?!?
Tomato JT: are you taking HER side?!?!?!?!?! she's gotten to you, hasn't she?
etimus: haha
Tomato JT:you're a SYMPATHIZER
Tomato JT: i dont know if can trust you anymore
etimus: i'm staying out of this. you should e-mail her and settle this dispute.
etimus: one sided as it is.
Tomato JT: ...feigned neutrality! I SEE THRU YOUR THINLY VEILED DECEIT!
Tomato JT: sigh. i never thought it would come to this
Tomato JT: i thought we were friends, friends for life.
Tomato JT: now, a few emails with doris, and she has pulled you astray with her wily, witty ways

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etimus: i'm taking doris to our potluck at joys
etimus: are you going to be there?
Tomato JT: yes, i think so
etimus: ok.
Tomato JT: how exciting!
the majority has shifted again
etimus: what do you mean?
Tomato JT: most of our friends are dating/married
etimus: no, not you, alvin or ben or sharad.
etimus: scott
Tomato JT: very recently it was just joanna, linda,
Tomato JT: but pam, you, joined
etimus: now pam and i too
Tomato JT: yes
Tomato JT: and also chula
etimus: shui was on the other side for a wihle
Tomato JT: that swung the majority
etimus: these are tumultuous times...
etimus: and david was pretty steady for a while too
Tomato JT: oh yeah! and david
Tomato JT: see? joanna, you, linda, pam, david, chula
etimus: when are you going to join the majority?
Tomato JT: i am fairly happy here. i will join the majority when two or three of you breakup/divorce!!!
Tomato JT: ;)
etimus: that's true.
Tomato JT: i really like that comment. i will post it on my blog when i have time
etimus: if i break up with doris, you'd be in the majority again.
etimus: as will i.