Mother on Fire

Yes, that is the visage of one Ms. Sandra Tsing Loh you see to the left. And yes, that selfsame Ms. Sandra Tsing Loh is pointing to ME! Yes, I finally realized my dream of meeting Sandra (haha, now that I've met her, you see, we're on a first name basis, haha).

JT and the Gang of Five (Alex, Alvin, Doris, Eddie and Pam) saw Sandra's newest creation, Mother on Fire, a one woman show detailing the problems and perils of being a mom in the greater Los Angeles area. The Gang and I laughed hard when Sandra, lamenting the trend toward child obesity, observed that McDonald's has developed new technology to suck the transfats out of all its foods, and slathered them all over elementary school students; this practice has attracted mountain lions, who prey on the burgeoning kiddies. It was also funny when Sandra said that her father wanted revenge because she pursued a career in the liberal arts, which, to Asian parents, is the equivalent of pole dancing. (I heard her say "the equivalent of ballroom dancing," which did not strike me as particularly funny. Pam set me straight after the show when we discussed our favorite parts.) (Pam actually came in a little late, and wasn't seated with our group. She was sitting opposite side of the audience; I wondered who the little Asian girl with the interesting jewelry was across from me!)

There was an inadvertently funny moment in the middle of the show when Sandra asked for a show of hands from all the Republicans. Flashing conservative credentials is generally ill-advised in a such blue state, and there I was trapped in a theater full of them. I looked around sheepishly and prepared to apologize for my existence, when a wonderfully brave man in the second row raised his hand. (Whew!) When asked where he was from, he said "Orange County: Newport Beach," and plenty of laughs ensued. Thank you, Newport Man, for taking the heat! (P.S. Donkeys, stop taking your anger out on us! It's not my fault you lost the White House, Congress, and the Court.)

Here's a jpg of the book I had Sandra sign for me. Doris says that only a genius is up to the challenge of deciphering the handwriting of another genius, so for all you less fortunate beings, allow me to transcribe: "For JT -- With hopes that the next book 2B published is YOURS! Best, STL"

Eddie did a lot of schmoozing while I waited for my photo and autograph; he and Sandra really hit it off. There was a lot of small talk about the USC writing program in which Eddie is currently enrolled (she was a grad student in the same program, but didn't finish it); he mentioned a professor who told diverting anecdotes about Sandra as a student. Naturally Sandra turns to me and says, "So, are you in the USC writing program, too?"

Filled the most horror since I was asked to confess myself a Republican in a theater full of liberal Democrats, I was forced to admit that I in fact was not enrolled in any writing program. As she prepared to engrave my edition of her book, Sandra asked the seemingly benign question, "Are you a writer?"

Again, my bowels churn within me. I do write (alright, I blog, but let's just agree that it's writing and move on), but I wouldn't consider myself a writer. I can't say I'm a writer by profession, because that requires payment in exchange for my writing. Not only could I not claim writership by profession, but even I couldn't muster up enough hubris to pretend to be "undiscovered" or a "writer in waiting." The best answer I could proffer was "No, I'm not a writer; I'm a person who writes."

So there I was playing semantic games with one Ms. Sandra Tsing Loh (at that point I was reduced to addressing her by her full name again), empress of southern California writer-quasi-celebrity-comedian-radio personalities. In her infinite magnanimity, she just started scribbling her something in her cryptic, genius script, but I could feel--just feel--that she struggling to refrain from rolling her eyes around in their quasi-celebrity sockets.

To top off the very pleasant evening we had Zankou chicken, which has been recommended no less than twice by Sandra Tsing Loh in her weekly segment, the Loh Life (isn't that clever? "the Loh [low] life") on southern California public radio, KPCC. It was a feast! Those Armenians sure know their chicken. And the garlic spread is amazing. Pam shuttered to think what kinds of fats (trans and otherwise) were jammed into it, but it is wonderful. Get some Zankou if the opportunity (Doris saw Keifer Southerland at the West L.A. Zankou!)