Joanna's Christmas Menagerie

In true genius fashion, I have experienced a deluge of incredibly vivid dreams* recently. Why? Because I'm a genius! :) haha. Here is the latest one:

My student Benson requires a ride to his girlfriend's house. [Although I cannot remember why he needed a lift, he did.] I offer to take him, despite the fact that I am only on a scooter--the version run on foot-power, not the motorized kind. It seems that I have been to his girlfriend's house prior to this trip, and, although I have only made the journey once, I am able remember the way. [Reality note: I have a rather deplorable sense of direction.] We travel parallel to the ocean down some very narrow alleyways, when whom should be meet but...CHULA!

It so happens that Chula is on route to the same address, but she is driving a white sedan. [Reality note: in high school, Chula owned a white Rav-4.] Eventually the path we are traveling becomes too narrow for her to drive, so she gets out and pushes it to our destination, because the car has greater manuverability when pushed. (In the dream, this did not seem illogical.) [Reality note: Cars rarely experience greater manuverability when pushed.]

We arrive at Benson's girlfriend's house, which actually turns out to be Joanna and Joel's house! (Don't ask; I'm not sure if Benson is dating, or has ever dated, Joanna or Joel). Joanna has made a long list of things she wants for both her birthday and Christmas: a small doggy; a kitten; and a bird. [Reality note: Her birthday is only two weeks prior to Christmas.]

While the rules of our gift exchange stipulate that I need only give one item on the wish list, in my magnamimity I have bought her all three. She unwraps the kitten first (all the animals have been put into boxes, which were subsequently wrapped.) Upon coming out, the kitten immediately attacks her middle-aged cat, Charlie, by biting its neck. [Reality note: Joanna and Joel do have a middle-aged cat named Charlie.] "Bad kitty!" Joanna admonishes as she pulls it off. In truth, the new kitten was only defending the oldest, largest cat (that Joanna already had) from Charlie's aggression.

Next she unwraps the dog, which is some special breed that can be recognized by the fact that its feces contain no hair in them. (In the dream, all other species of dog lick themselves, and have large amounts of hair in their fecal matter.) This breed meticulously scrapes the fur off its tongue to avoid fur going into its GI tract. There is an instuctional card that comes with the dog to explain all of this.

Notwithstanding his wife's present-unwrapping glee, Joel's is beginning to look rather disgruntled because their house is relatively small, and unsuitable for 3 cats 2 dogs (they had one already), a bird and a bale of turtles, which they raise in their backyard. I advise her not to unwrap the bird, otherwise Joel may get upset at the small menagerie she is amassing...not to mention the baby on the way. [Reality note: Joanna is actually pregnant, and the baby is expected sometime in June, I think.]

To escape the mounting tension caused by my generousity, I abscond into their backyard and decide to feed one of the turtles (it can talk!) Offering it squash and mint lives, I find that is is a quite a rapacious reptile. Upon taking it back to the turtle pen, I discover that is has grown to about 5 times the size of its sibblings!

Re-entering the house, I pick up a magazine, which contains an advertisement that catches my eye: the 100 things David Sedaris finds funniest. One of them is watching the Thanksgiving episode of Futurama with with audio track from the Easter episode. Mr. Sedaris describes this experience as "hilarious," the strongest expression of approbation he uses in that advertisement, so I make a note to buy the Futurama DVD to experience the humor for myself.

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*For example, see A Real Dream, or I Had a Dream.