Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

By the end of this year's wedding season (which, apparently runs from mid-spring to the end of summer), I will have attended six (6) weddings. So why, my astute reader will ask, is this piece entitled "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers"? The reasons are two-fold. First, there is the secret, possible engagement about which one of my Christian brothers has been thinking. This plan is tentative to the superlative degree, but I thought I'd count it for the purpose of creating a title for reason number two: "Six Brides for Six Brothers" doesn't sound clever, and it isn't an allusion to anything in particular, least of all a 1950s musical.

Before I continue any further, two facts need to be established to indemnify myself against potentially erronious accusations. These points are: a) I believe that marriage is highly esteemed in the Bible, and so I, too, esteem it; and b) I am very glad to celebrate the joinings in matrimony of all of my friends, and will joyfully participate (or already have participated) in their wedding ceremonies.

That being said, there are some elements to the modern wedding and wedding reception that I find distasteful. For example: the garter toss. Who REALLY enjoys that, except for the bridegroom, who slips his hand under his bride's dress--doing who-knows-what-else while we're all waiting? As for the actual tossing of the garter, married people don't participate, and I can't imagine that it provides much of a spectacle for them. People already engaged participate in a perfunctory role: they already know they're getting married soon, but are still technically single and must participate. Moreover, I feel that people dating but not near engagement must feel rather awkward having the thought of engagement thrust upon them. People, like myself, who are not dating at all...for those who are single and content, it's really a very ridiculous affair. I liken it to some sort of pagan ritual, in which we as guests are forced to collude. I tried long and hard to find an analgous situation, but after considerable cogitation, came up empty-handed. [One of my pagan friends found my use of the term "pagan" to describe the garter toss objectionable, so to all you pagans out there, I apologize, and did not mean to sully the good name of paganism by comparing it anything as ridiculous as the garter toss.] This led me to the conclusion that the garter and bouquet tosses are the last great bastions of practised superstition in modern America. And for those who are single and miserable, it's just pathetic. Let's face it: they're in there with the facade of non-chalance, but deep inside, they're rearing to go, ready to plow over any hapless three-year-old who gets in their way. "That garter is MINE" they murmer with bated breath, through clenched teeth.

Incidently, I DO have a friend who, in his garder-grabbing fervor, knocked over the five-year-old boy who had rightfully caught the lacy prize at a wedding last year. I will withold his name to spare him the opprobrium, but he knows who he is, and was deservedly shamed after that incident.

Then there's the reading of Genesis 2 at the wedding ceremony. "It is not good that the man should be alone..." Surely I cannot disagree with Scripture, but somehow reading this verse at weddings makes it sound BAD to be single, and I'm sure that's not what's meant by it. Plenty of influencial Christians have remained celebate (St. Augustine, Paul, Jesus). Besides, most people today cannot be said to be "alone" in the most salient manner in which Adam was "alone"--complete deprivation of human society. In the past 6,000 years we've experience a couple minor developments (the industrial and agricultural revolutions), that have enabled our species to grow from a population of one to 6.5 billion. I think we're pretty far from "alone". As much as I hear "And so it is good for man to marry, and he needs a help-mate blah blah blah", I never hear "yet it was also good for him to be celebate." And wasn't it good for the groom to be celebate? Or was God cursing him through two, three, or four decades of unbearable and lonely hermitage, until this one blessed day, the day of his wedding? Really, I think if there's going to be preaching from Genesis to substantiate marriage, it ought to be a more balanced and complete picture (perhaps even incorporating 1 Corinthians 7:8 or 7:16).

For the record, the Seven brides and brothers are:
Mr. & Mrs. Joseph & Salina Kim April 22. 2006
Mr. & Mrs. Ryan & Erin Dayala July 1, 2006
Mr. & Mrs. Wes & Kristin Gong July 15 (?), 2006
Mr. & Mrs. Scott & Lydia Eng August 12, 2006
Mr. & Mrs. Kevin & Katie Lee August 19, 2006
Mr. & Mrs. Andrew & Tiffany Ho August 26, 2006