Something Old, Something New...

The votes are in from yesterday's midterm elections, and the results are out: the GOP has lost control of the House, and the very probably the Senate too. The Donkeys have so far picked up half a dozen governorships (in Arkansas, Colorado, Maryland, Massachusetts, New York and Ohio) giving them control of the majority of gubernatorial seats for the first time in a dozen years.

In case you're wondering about the title of this post,

Something old: Arnold is back again, this time in "The Governator, Back with a Vengeance: the Second Term."

Something new: Nancy Pelosi, the new Speaker of the House. Some have dubbed her "the Speaker in Waiting," (a clever play on "lady in waiting.") Speaking of which, not only is she the first female Speaker in US history, she is also the first Californian Speaker. Though she is not yet officially Speaker-elect, by all accounts the position is as good as hers.

Before going any further, I'd like to take this opportunity to let my readers know that I called this election over a year in advance—much earlier than those political pundits who needed the Jack Abramoff bribery scandal, the Mark Foley congressional page sex scandal, along with a host of polling numbers, to make their predictions. At the time, I really was thinking that I ought to put the prediction in writing on my blog, so I could say "I told you so" when the time came, but alas, I was too busy with my celebrity stalking escapades.

How did I know? Fall of 2005 saw a "perfect storm," if you will, of political disasters for the GOP. Here's a mini time line as a memory refresher:

September 20- The Associated Press reports allegations of insider trading against Bill Frist, then Senate Majority Leader.
September 22- Majority Leader Frist reports that the SEC (Security and Exchange commission) is investigating the charges of insider trading.
September 23- DOJ (Dept. of Justice) subpoenas Frist.
September 28- A grand jury indicts House Majority Leader Tom DeLay on conspiracy to violate Texas election law (he had allegedly taken illegal political donations and laundered them, then distributed them to Republican candidates).
October 19- An warrant is issued for Congressman DeLay's arrest.
October 25- US casualty in Iraq count reaches 2000 as public calls for reconsider troop presence mounts.
October 27- The Bush administration announces its withdraw of the nomination of Harriet Miers to the bench of the US Supreme Court, giving startling insight into: a) just how unpopular the president had become among the electorate; b) how unable he was even to command enough party discipline to push through a nominee when his own party controlled the Senate; and c) how disunified the Republicans were looking.

(Those little moments in history...if you're an American reading that, I'm sure walking down that little path off Memory Lane either brought a smile to your face, or a tear to your eye, depending on your political stripes.)

Anyway, again, I'd like to reiterate that in late October of last year, I foresaw the Grand Ol' Pachyderms losing control of Congress. Just throw a crystal ball in front of me, stick a deck of tarot cards in my hand and call me "Ms. Cleo."

* * * * * * *

In related news, the White House also announced this morning that Donald Rumsfeld submitted his resignation; his replacement nominee is Robert Gates, a former CIA chief. Clearly hoping to stem the political tide and bring confidence back to an administration that could use at least the facade of competence, President Bush asked Rummy to resign. To which I, along with the other 300 million other people living in America say, "Too little, too late." HELLO! If you wanted to win the 2006 midterms, you should have gotten rid of him prior to the elections, not after them. He was far and away the most unpopular of your Cabinet (which is no mean feat, really!); he was the biggest anchor in the star line up of anchors weighing down those poll numbers.

In saying this, let me clarify that I self-identify as a political independent (that rare demographic to which both parties work so hard to cater), not a Bush-hating liberal. In fact, I think I lean to the right-0f-center. Nonetheless, in the words of Simon Cowell, "if I'm going to be brutally honest," no one liked Rummy—it wouldn't surprise me to learn that he's a closet self-hating, Emo cutter. Republicans wanted you to oust him months ago because they knew it would boost support for the GOP; Democrats wanted you to oust him because although they knew it would hurt them at the polls, they hated him so much they didn't care!

In any event, I have decided to have some fun by issuing a tribute to the 21st US Secretary of Defense: Donald Rumsfeld, a portrait in 2 poems. The first is presented below; the second will appear in the second part of this entry (I had to break the blog up into two parts, because I'm not sure how much political rambling my readers can stomach.)

To: Rummy. From: The GOP
Rummy, you dummy, you lost us the House!
You moron, you loser, you bastard, you louse!
You're stupid, so stupid! You squinty-eyed mole
You might be as stupid as Anna Nicole!

With Liberals in power on Capitol Hill,
We in the minor'ty (a most bitter pill!)
Without the control we're stuck in a bind—
Things haven't been this bad since Nixon resigned!

Saddam was no menace, so why'd you attack?
Now our sons and our daughters are stuck in Iraq.
We'd blame in on Dubbya, but he's stupid, too;
It's hard to believe, but e'en stupider than you.

Now some in our party are looking for work,
Rummy, you *sshole, you retard, you jerk!
They're on unemployment, and they're feeling blue,
Their sole consolation is that Rummy is, too.