Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Hiatus from the High Holy Days Hodge-podge

"There is a certain perfection in accident which we never consciously attain." -Henry David Thoreau

I had a whole spiel prepared for today's entry, but something unexpected came up. We'll return to our normally scheduled HHD programming tomorrow.

I found it. I wasn't searching for it at the exact moment of its discovery, but I found it. Even if I had applied every last inch of my mental capacities--even the innermost recesses of my convoluted, calculating mind--I could not have planned it. It was one of those fortuitous events that we must attribute purely to Providence, then celebrate and enjoy the happy discovery--in this case, the path to better living.

Some backstory may be required for those unfamiliar with my current living conditions. My sister and I occupy a house we inherited at the beginning of this year. I have tried to be agreeable, but there has arisen one "wedge issue", an issue so vociferously contested as to preclude any and all compromise, an issue on which we have both implacably defended our mutually exclusive paradigms, an issue that has brought us to an insurmountable impasse...until now.

The abridged version of this previously unresolvable dispute may be relayed as follows: she believes that it is acceptable (if not desirable) for her three large, unruly retrievers to rip the carpet asunder, use furniture as chew toys, gnaw on window sills, track in dirt and debris, suffuse the house with au de canine--and saturate my clothes with the same distinct aroma--and (in creative and astoundingly diverse ways) depreciate the property value of the house in what would otherwise be a very bullish Los Angeles real estate market. I disagree with her endorsement of this situation.

So, with that short, but sufficient, explanation of the situation, onward to the revelation of my discovery! My friend Annie will be interning at a pharmacy in Downey for several weeks, and in order to avoid a four-hour daily commute from Mission Viejo, asked to sojourn here, at Casa de la Doggie. In order to rectify the state of this dwelling (and to forestall condemnation by the health department of Los Angeles County), I am trying to patch up as much dog-related damage as I can. One step in this process has been to Febreze the odors out of the house.

I went through an entire 27 ounce bottle of Febreze this morning--and found it refreshing and uplifting! When I came home, I started using another half a bottle, until my merry Febrezing was interrupted by a volley of profanity emerging from my sister's room. It seems she--unlike I--was very unhappy about the new scent of our home. She indicated (between obscenities) that the aroma was too strong, and was causing something of a headache. This had never occurred to me, because I find Febreze delightfully understated, like a country meadow, or early morning mist (those might be names of two varieties of Febreze).

Because she likes the dogs to wander freely in and out of her bedroom, my sister refuses to close her door to prevent Febreze from wafting into her room. So herein lies the key to my future happiness: I can keep Febrezing away to eliminate dog odors, and this in turn (according to my well developed hypothesis) will be noisome enough to make my sister capitulate and leave the dogs outside.

Accidental discoveries: Scotchguard, penicillin, x-rays and the negotiating leverage of Febreze.

Surprising Jew of the Day: Sammy Davis, Jr.
Not-so-surprising Jew of the Day: Benjamin Netanyahu

3 comments:

Pamguin said...

I went to JT's house a few hours after he Febrezed -- it still reeked odiously of au d'canine.

Pamguin said...

I cannot overstate the unequivable loathesomeness of the fetid stench that eminates from the chaumiere de chiens, otherwise known as the shaggy shanty.

I vowed that I would never enter his residence again because of the nauseousness of that place -- I made an exception for the Febreze, an exception that, mistakenly, will not be granted again.

PS: Yes, it's true that you DO smell (it's not so good...)

Anonymous said...

oh man, JT. Cannot remember the last time that I laughed that hard at a computer screen. Would love to hear more about the understated scent of Febreze.

JT, I'm disappointed to find a typo in your blog!! I do believe that it would be eau de canine... I suppose you wouldn't know that if you never took French...